Guilty Pleasure

Family comes first.

That I perfectly understand.

But when my heart starts to do all the thinking, I forget everything. I lose control.

I hate lies. I hate secrets. I hate deception. But that's exactly what I've been doing to my family over the past few months. And it hurts me beyond my expectation. More than the fear of getting caught, guilt found its way into my heart and struck me at my weakest point.

I love my family. I love my parents. But there are just some things I know they won't undrestand. Things they'd never accept. At this point in time at least.

I'm not a coward. I just can't stand seeing them hurt. By me. I don't want to add up to their burdens. They're good people. They don't deserve the pain.

I would tell them, too. Someday. When the time is right. Yes, I'm just trying to spare everyone from pain.

Guilt is eating me up. But that's okay. I am happy.

Hurting, but happy.

So that's okay.